Tina Fey Lost It At 24; Reax On A Morning Radio Show
A few weeks ago, Tina Fey announced on David Letterman that she lost her virginity at 24 and “couldn’t give it away.” A lot of people (namely other media types) reacted to this thinking that 24 was quite old to lose your virginity. Of course, my first reaction is to laugh, quickly followed by that pang of well…insecurity, then thinking about how much society sucks (and how I must keep this deep dark secret that I’m still a virgin). I can’t seem to find the US Weekly article they are referring to, but they do mention Brooke Sheilds and Coldplay singer Chris Martin losing it in their early 20s. And Adriana Lima losing it at 27. Wow! So old! NOT…
I never watch late night shows, never really cared for Leno, Letterman or Conan. Not my cup of television tea. I heard about this from a morning radio show while driving to work. This particular show is geared toward “Baby Boomers” and the hosts are about my parents’ age. The woman who hosts the show is kinda bitchy (menopause?). In fact, I don’t like her because it seems like she has a huge ego because she’s been doing it for so long. Anyways, they talked about this bit and had people call in and talk about what age they lost their virginity. Everytime someone gave an age, the DJ did nothing but laugh and cackle and giggle like some old bat pretending to be a teen again. If someone said they lost their virginity past 21, she would say something along the lines of “what took you so long?” or “how could you wait so long?” A couple people called saying they lost it past 30 and even 45, citing a whole spectrum of reasons why they waited. Others called saying they lost it as young as 13. Many of them shared the awkwardness and memories of their first times in the midst of her odd cackling. Maybe she’s one of those people that laughs during a topic they find awkward or uncomfortable, who knows….but yeah, her show kind of made fun of older virgins. It surprised me because you’d think at her age, she’d be more understanding or empathetic.
It got me thinking that if someone ever asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity, I wouldn’t know how to react. Would I make up a number and a story about an awkward first time? Would I be truthful and say I’m a virgin? Would I say something like “I prefer not to answer?” or change the subject or create a diversion to make the questioner forget about the topic. The easiest thing to do is to lie. I don’t lie very often, so I’m probably bad at it. Luckily, nobody has ever asked me this type of question. I hope nobody ever does.
Our Day Will Come?
I’m probably one of the few 20-somethings that listen to AM radio. With the exception of a few stations, the AM band in general is dying I think, like most of its listeners. I listen because I love the rare oldies that are played on these stations, such as jazz, soul, crooners, etc. When I’m driving, I like to pretend I’m in the 1960s in a swank old car. Then I jump back into reality telling myself that I wouldn’t have had the rights or opportunities or choices like I have today.
I’ll often mention some of these songs to older people I know, like coworkers and they’ll be like “You’re too young to know about that song/artist.” Probably so. One recent old song I’ve discovered is by Ruby and the Romantics called “Our Day Will Come.” Apparently, it was a one-hit wonder for the group in 1963. The quick internet search info I gathered on the group pretty much said something along the lines that Ruby is the only one in the group still alive and that all of they guys she sang with passed away. The song was eventually remade by Frankie Valli and others.
The title alone makes me wonder if I (or as some of you readers can relate – “we”) will ever have our day so to speak. Our day in love, or at least in really like.
Football Party
I don’t know why I don’t just take my own advice and leave expectations at the door.
I wish I didn’t have expectations for anything or anyone.
There could be worse problems I could have; homelessness, being terminally ill, having no family or being in serious danger.
I wish I could make the pain go away. I wish this didn’t cause me such pain. I wish I didn’t care; genuinely didn’t care.
I use the word “I” too many times in this blog and sound like a spoiled, whiny bitch who takes everything for granted.
The funny thing is that in the real world I try my hardest not to whine and bitch and listen to everyone else whine and bitch at me – or “venting” as they like to call it. I’m the one always telling them it’s ok and that it’s natural to “vent.” Like a soundboard.
I just want a guy around my age to like/accept me who is not a loser (there are some dealbreakers that I won’t get into right now, but not all that many). Sometimes I wonder if I’m nobody’s type and belong in some alternate universe or in a home for the socially awkward.
So I go to the NFL party and its more than obvious that my friends want to hook me up with Mr. Unusual Name. I think the Teenybopper and her husband have had discussions on which of his friends would be a possible match for me. Other guys (who I don’t have anything in common with) were also there to watch the game, but they didn’t seem as eligible as Mr. Unusual Name.
Mr. Unusual Name is a very tall, good looking guy – and I expressed those thoughts to The Teenybopper while he was out of the room. I doubt he’s an asshole because my friends like him a lot. He also seems nice because he kept playing with their dog. Anyone who likes dogs is cool in my book. My single friend who lives far away would go gaga for this guy because she is very keen on his physical type.
For some reason The Teenybopper and her husband make it seem like magic is going to happen by putting two people in the same room. If only it were that simple.
“Am I supposed to act a certain way? Or do something?,” I asked. “Or should I just focus on the game?”
“Just be yourself,” she said. “ Whatever you do, don’t be someone you’re not…we’re all here to watch the game”
I agreed.
Besides shaking his hand, I didn’t get to talk with him at all. I tried to smile whenever I talked. Eye contact is very difficult for me, so I try to at least look at the face. I once had a teacher pull me aside in high school and tell me to look people in the eye. My vision is not the greatest, so my lack of eye contact could be attributed to that as well…plus it was dark. I can’t explain why I have trouble looking people in the eyes. I often wonder if I have Asperger’s or something. There’s such a disconnect between my mind and my body sometimes. I don’t know why eye contact is so scary to me. I have to know someone well to make eye contact with them, like friends, coworkers and family.
Anyways, we all focused on the game. Exciting as it was, my team lost and we all went our separate ways once the game was over.
I thought I smiled/laughed a lot, maybe too much. Whatever. I’m sure I’ll see the guy again at more of their functions.
All I can do is be nice and not fake. Sounds simple enough. Right?
I get the feeling, since the guy is a little bit younger than me, that he probably does not want to think about chicks right now. When I was his age, I was very annoyed when friends tried to hook me up. I had one friend in particular who wanted to match me up with all of her single guy friends. I didn’t really like these guys, but was nice whenever I saw them. They are all married now or engaged. In college, lots of people were trying to hook me up…not just friends, but classmates as well. I should have struck while the iron was hot. I think I’m more of a catch now than I was then. At least I think I look and dress better and have a job – and bought a home (that I can barely afford). I really don’t know what I would have to offer someone right now. I’m broke (so I can’t be a sugarmama) and I’m not arm candy. I don’t know how to cook, but I could learn. I’m not organized or a neat freak, but sometimes I try. I’m not very outgoing and people tend not to laugh whenever I think I’ve said something funny (I end up looking like an asshole).
Secret Life
“I’m beginning to think you lead a secret life,” said one of my coworkers to me today.
The guy who said this was an older guy who has been doing his same gig since dinosaurs roamed the Earth. Ok, say more like 30+ years, which still is a damn long time. He has survived numerous layoffs, mergers and takeovers; seen as a legend in a way.
I laughed and responded that the same is often said for this other coworker, another older guy, whom others perceive as a bit creepy. They say he’s “too perfect.”
In our department, we often say that in order to survive in our field you have to be a little bit weird or strange. I like to believe the “normal” people work in sales, finance, human resources, the government or as elementary school teachers.
I don’t believe there’s such a thing as normal. It’s one thing to be normal when talking in medical terms, but there really is no normal lifestyle or personality. Some of us are more outwardly unusual than others. I often see myself as kind of an Allison type from “The Breakfast Club,” except I don’t end up with the Emilio Estevez-type jock. Like Allison, I’m quiet and prone to sudden outbursts. I idolize people like Bill Clinton. I know that sounds crazy right? But seriously, he can charm the pants (no pun intended) off anyone, even freaking Kim Jong Il!?! He can get anyone to do what he wants and still like him!
I think this blog is my secret life. It’s a damn diary that the whole world can read. The internet is scary because it feeds the narcissist in all of us and it makes the world way too small. Although I like knowing people are reading and supporting me, in my non-virtual life, I don’t want to be known for having this blog. I just want to connect with a guy around my age someday who I’m attracted to. I don’t care if it lasts. I want someone to not only accept me, but find me sexy or attractive in some way and want to be with me a while without annoying me. Haha. Ok, maybe that’s a tall order, but there it is.
Friends of Friends.
The Teenybopper’s husband has a lot of guy friends. He’s a very social guy that often throws parties, goes to Happy Hour, etc. They even have a guys-only Friday night late Happy Hour, that I have dubbed “Penis Night” – like a spin of “Ladies Night.”
All of his friends are younger than me and are not into dating right now. Most of them are single and just want to play video games in their spare time. A bunch probably still live with their parents. Most them don’t really have careers now or are still in college/just graduated. The economy sucks obviously, so these guys (like a lot of people) have to stick with the part time hourly jobs they did in high school/college, like working retail or service jobs. I’m about five years into my career path and although I’ve had to switch gigs a couple times, it’s still the same kind of general field. I have my own home and can barely afford it.
I’m really comfortable around the Teenybopper and her husband, so they tend to see the more outgoing/gregarious side of me (which many people don’t get to see). Sometimes when he brings his guy friends, I try to be friendly with them and they don’t say a whole lot to me. Maybe they are just super shy, who knows.
A couple of times the Teenybopper’s husband would want to have his guy friends join us in hopes that maybe one of them would be into me or vice versa, but that hasn’t happened. I think right now they want to hook me up with another one of his friends. This one could seem promising, but I don’t know. I met him once and he’s very good looking and works for his family’s company now. He graduated college recently and is trying to get into his chosen career path. The one time I talked to him I messed up his name and he corrected me, seeming annoyed. Oops. In my defense, it’s an unusual name.
I had a vision a few weeks ago and I never have visions. It was a glimpse of a guy who I would end up with (if possible). Over five years ago, an elderly aunt who claims she has a sixth sense had a vision of me marrying a guy of a similar description.
I shared this with the Teenybopper and she thought it fitted the description of Mr. Unusual Name. I told her I wasn’t sure. Two guys I went to college with also fit this description. Heck, a lot of guys could fit this description as its quite vague. Height and hair color are the only thing I can make out of this mystery guy.
Tomorrow, they are throwing an NFL viewing party and Mr. Unusual Name may be there. It’s nice that they want to hook me up, so I’m just going to go and have a good time and root for my favorite team while gorging on pizza. I don’t feel like going out of my way to impress anybody right now. I’m a couple pounds bigger than I should be, bite my nails and have a mousy hair color because I’m too damn cheap to brighten it up. I’ll be nice and that’s it.
I like the idea of dating friends of friends because they’re not complete strangers. It’s like if your friends approve of them, they shouldn’t be criminals or something.
Anyways I’m not getting my hopes up or anything.
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Note: I don’t have internet at home and wouldn’t dare check this blog at work, so I’m only able to log on at Coffee Shops once every two weeks or so. Apologies for not being prompt with reading or responding to your comments or blogs. They are much appreciated; I thank all of you for the compliments and support.
An Unpleasant Surprise.
A certain coworker of mine has finally resigned much to the excitement of my colleagues, her bosses and myself. This woman throws people under the bus all the time and we get the pleasure of listening to her yell at her husband on a daily basis. She’s thrown me under the bus a couple times, but it doesn’t phase me as she just treats people like shit in general. She thinks the world revolves around her and her kids. Ain’t nothing wrong with that I guess, but she’s one of those people that just says whatever’s on her mind without taking into consideration respect/courtesy for anyone else around. A couple times she brought her kids to work and they were incredibly loud and obnoxious (just like her…ha). I guess we’re all a product of our environments after all, as I’m probably a lot like my parents. As a co-worker put it nicely, if there’s a going away party for her, nobody would come.
She is resigning so she can spend more time with her family in the middle-of-nowhere town where she lives. Much to her dismay, she’s pregnant again. She doesn’t want the kid because she can barely afford to take care of the other kids she has with her husband ,who is in between careers now. She would keep telling us how she doesn’t want anymore kids, and when we joked about whether she was pregnant again…she got really pissed off saying how it’s an unpleasant surprise.
This woman is around five years older than me and it’s a scary thought how someone around my age can have so many kids. But then again, I’m probably just the abnormal one for not wanting any. If I really wanted kids, I would try harder at “putting myself out there” into meeting people, dating, etc. I would advertise everywhere and throw myself at any single man I met. But I’m not like that, so here I am.
Driving home today, I relished my singleness and the fact that I can be as selfish as I want everyday practically. Sure , I have some responsibilities, but not many. It’s mainly owning a home, going to work, caring about my family and keeping myself healthy. If I spent more time at home and had more money, I would get a pet. But who knows where I’ll end up and I’m not sure if I want to settle here in this town. It would be unfair to the pets to never be home.
I would like to try living and working in other places, but not sure what my next step should be. I feel like I’m at a crossroads, but need to hang on to whatever gig I have now due to the shitty economy.
If there’s one upside to being a virgin besides not having STDs, it’s not being pregnant.
Apologies for such a bitchy post, but I don’t envy her at all….
Living Vicariously
I admit that I sometimes enjoy living vicariously through people, mainly one acquaintance from college.
Back in school, I used to think she was a little bit wild. She was a heavy drinker and smoked a lot of pot. I think she does still drink a lot, but hey, whatever floats your boat. She always had funny stories to tell of boozy adventures hooking up with guys…the typical college experience one would guess.
I spent much of my experience studying with my foreign friends or being involved in clubs/activities. I can’t complain, I did have a great experience overall.
Now this gal is settled down with her fiancée and getting ready to tie the knot in a year or so. They even bought a house together and have a dog.
How do I know this? It’s all through her various blogs (that she tends to delete after a few entries and her Yelp profile.). She updates on Yelp a lot and it seems like she gets out a ton and does all sorts of fun stuff with her fiancée.
Over the years, she’s had a variety of blogs. Don’t ask me how I would find them, but I would. Most of her blogs she would delete after a few entries, but one blog chronicled her life for a few years before she just stopped updating it. It discussed her struggles with trying to ease into the corporate world , along with a scandalous affair with a married coworker (including all the different places they would have sex). Her life seemed dangerous, but exciting to me. I would be all by myself at my old job, working a shift where I was often in the office alone at night, refreshing her blog all the time in anticipation for an update. Her life always seemed such a striking contrast from mine, which I found fascinating. If there was somebody I ever wanted to switch lives with for a day it would be hers. Her life is probably tougher than mine, but it would be fun for a day…only one day. Of course, I would want to go back to my own life, it aint so bad. In fact, I think being her for a day would make me appreciate my own life even more.
I hate bike riding and hate it even more when I have to pass bike riders while driving, as I’m very scared of running one of them over (LOL). But when she mentions bike riding with her fiancée around all of the different neighborhoods in the big city she lives in, it seems like so much fun. She’s got lots of friends and acquaintances and plans, trying new restaurants/hangouts all the time…discussing them on Yelp. I kind of do the same old stuff all the time – usually by myself. It doesn’t bother me, but it’s more evidence of my lack of a social life and that I’m probably going to have to do something about it one of these days.
We kept in light contact a year after college, but we lost touch. It’s kind of a long story that I won’t get into here.
A college reunion is coming up and I’m not ready to go and face her or other people. There was a lot of drama a few years ago. And unfortunately, I had to cut this acquaintance off because of it. I will, however, go to the net college reunion in another five years.
Next year is my high school reunion and that’s one I’m really going to avoid. “Why don’t you go,” said my mom. “You look so different now.”
“Who would I talk to,” I said. “Will?” How about the other people who a) don’t remember me or know me b) the people who did remember me but didn’t like me
When I told her that I don’t want to face Will and some other people, she understood.
Plus, it’s not like I’d have a boyfriend/husband to accompany me to such functions as a buffer. Facing such things alone is difficult and even terrifying for me — and I do everything alone.
“My mom can’t get over how you do everything alone (like going to movies),” said the Teenybopper. “She’s just one of those people that can’t be alone and doesn’t understand.”
Closed Doors
“You never know what goes on behind closed doors,” said one of the friends who joined me on vacation recently.
She’s been married now for about five years and is adamant about wanting children ASAP. Her husband didn’t join us, so it was kind of a girls’ vacation.
“You know those couples they show in the movies who go to bed cuddling? That never happens.” She went on to say how they each have their side of the bed and fall asleep with their backs to each other.
I never thought about it that way but she’s probably right. I don’t think I could fall asleep interlocked with another person. That’s just not my style.
Somewhere New.
I’m about to embark on the first vacation to a new place for the first time in about five years.
I usually tend to go to the same places because I usually want to hangout with family or whatnot…but this this time I’m actually going somewhere different. I will spend time with Li, who just moved there a few months back. She is my last remaining single friend.
In college, we were a dynamic duo and BFFs. Then she had to go back to her homeland for a while and now she’s living in this place.
She expressed to me the other night over the phone that she is not ready to settle down. I don’t believe her. She’s one of those people that needs to be taken care of. She also believes in Prince Charming (seriously).
One of my married friends is going to join us as well (without the husband thank God..as much as I like the guy, he always seems to tag along whenever we get together).
This place is also the metropolitan area where MCC lives. *Sigh* I don’t even think about him much anymore, I’ve moved onto obsessing over Mr. Serious two years ago and most recently Golden Boy…amid sprinklings of some other guys from the past.
Ah, but I think my Golden Boy may be taken. He brought a girl to work a few weeks ago. I didn’t meet her, but a coworker did and thought she was his girlfriend. And he doesn’t have sisters. From what I heard, she hung out with him for his entire shift while he worked.
“You should snoop around,” said the Teenybopper. “Maybe it was a cousin or a [platonic] friend.”
Yeah right. It was a Friday night, who else could she be?
I think you know someone is in a serious relationship whenever they mention their girlfriend/boyfriend all the time during conversation. A lot of smitten guys tend to mention a particular special girl in every other sentence. I haven’t noticed this yet with Golden Boy, but then again, our conversations are brief at best and often limited to e-mail. His social networking profile still says he’s single.
Sometimes I get sad over this aspect of my life. I used to cry over it, but I don’t anymore. I cried a lot over it in college and a few years ago when I was going through a very depressive phase in my life. You can only cry so much over something before you run out of tears and get sick of dwelling on that emotion.
My friends would always say how there’s nothing wrong with me, but deep down I know something is and I’d like to fix it somehow (once I figure out what it is).
I’m hoping to see plenty of fetching eye candy in this vacation spot. Gorgeous men like MCC. I’m not looking for love on this trip or anything. I just want to admire and observe them. I don’t speak the language anyway (Li does thank goodness).
Who knows, maybe in that part of the world I’m actually considered appealing.
I Don’t Blame Her
One of my supervisors tends to talk a lot about how she’s sick of being single and how she wants to have more of “a life.” Now she’s talking about it more than ever before.
I don’t blame her.
She’s in her early 40s and often puts in 12+ hour days. As a manager, she constantly has to be on call 24/7. And trust me, people call her in the middle of the night about things at least once a week.
Being single bothers her and she talks about it now on a daily basis. She said today that she has spent too much of her life being “picky.” What she meant by that, I’m not exactly sure. Most people mean that in the context of physical appearance and maybe that is what she meant.
She deserves to find someone who will treat her with respect.
When I look at her I wonder if that is going to be me in 15 years or so. It’s not a bad thing, as she’s very well regarded and well connected in our line of work. In the end though, I really don’t want to devote so much time to something that doesn’t feel rewarding. We are in an industry that has high burnout and high layoffs (although that seems to be everywhere now) and low pay without any chance of a raise (the part I dislike the most). I don’t mind working hard, but I want feel rewarded…whether it’s more money or just feeling good about whatever it is that I do. Confident perhaps.
I keep finding that confidence seems to be the key to everything. Like if you’re confident, you can do anything or be anything you want. It seems like the key to happiness or fulfillment or success -however you define it.
I’ve already decided that I’m changing careers when I hit the big 3-0 because I’ll still be young enough to make such a change. What I’m going to do is the challenge. I need to figure that out…and I still have time to do that.
Anyways, I have a lot of respect for this supervisor and we get on well. She’s very open and chatty – to the point where she’s a bit of a gossip – a huge gossip. She’s got dirt on everyone. So you really have to be careful what you say to her, but she’s really good at getting the info out of you. Tricky. I’m sure she talks about me when I’m out of the room, but I’m not worried. I go in everyday and do the best I can, I help her from home sometimes, never give her attitude, listen well, take criticism well and haven’t shagged anybody from the office. If anything, she probably has told people that I come from a rich family and that my parents may still help financially support me (which they don’t..but I do have ‘expensive taste’).
It’s now come to the point where she’s so tired of being single that she’s talking about it all the time to just about anyone, whether it’s other people in our office or her contacts/friends outside the office.
It’s like she’s hinting for people to fix her up. I even think she asked the HR lady today (one of her many gossip contacts) to introduce her to someone, but I could be wrong.
I don’t blame her.
She once told me that she found it great how I don’t need to always have a guy on my arm to be happy. She then added how she’s the same way. But inside we both have that feeling that it’s hard trying to keep yourself going….and unlike her, I haven’t hit the point where I’m ready to openly admit it. I despise the word ‘lonely’ and don’t want to call it that.
I know I’m going to have to change somehow if I want to find a decent guy someday. I just haven’t hit that point yet. My supervisor has hit that point where she wants to find someone and today she pretty much announced that she’s going to be less ‘picky.,” which can be a great start.
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And given the events of this week, I just HAD to throw in “Man in the Mirror”
