I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus due to lack of a steady internet connection here at home as well as a bit of a Thanksgiving visit with the family out of town.

Since it’s the holiday season, I’ll devote this post to my parents.

Like the possibility of rape/molestation in a previous post, a lot of therapists would think that bad relationships with the parents would lead to my never having a boyfriend.

Well here’s the funny thing: I come from a very stable family background and get along pretty well with my parents (at least compared to other people).

My parents have been married for over 30 years. After meeting on a work-related trip, they dated for a year before tying the knot. My father asked my mom to marry him after the second or third date and she refused. Besides his love for her, one reason he wanted to marry so soon was because his mother was dying of cancer and didn’t have much longer to live. My mother didn’t know she was so sick and insisted on waiting longer. By sheer luck or God’s will, my grandmother lived just long enough to see my parents marry. She died either two weeks or two months later, I forget.

My parents embody the term “opposites attract.” My mother has a sweet facade, yet is very tough inside. My father is tough on the outside, but soft on the inside. Mom is fiscally conservative. Dad is a little more of a spender. Mom is a health-nut (the skinny parent). Dad loves to eat and doesn’t exercise (the fat parent). Mom is very gifted at words and writing; father is gifted in math and science. I could go on and on..

Growing up, my father had a career that often took him away from home for weeks at a time. He used to bring us little gifts from his travels abroad, like South America or Europe. This has probably fueled part of my love for geography and history. One of my earliest memories was of him showing me a map. Now, he works closer to home and enjoys what he does overall (mainly because he works with people who have a lot in common with him and has made many new friends – much to the relief of my mom).

My mom has had a couple of careers and retired a few years ago. She started attending a four-year college in her 30s when I was a kid. She said she would have been bored being a stay-at-home mom. Eventually, she went on to get a Master’s Degree. Although I always knew she loved me, for many years we did not get along. Her career stressed her out and took its toll. For years it seemed as if she wanted me to be a certain way (thin, outgoing, straight As, perky, overachiever, etc). Instead, she got an overweight, depressed and shy daughter who struggled with her math and science courses.

I have since shed that image and am nothing like I used to be. I guess that’s what they call “growing up.” I am still quiet, but not as shy as I used to be. I get along very well with everyone from work and enjoy talking with them. I have since shed a lot of the weight from my teen years (although I could probably drop 10-20 pounds). Depression comes and goes, but my mood has improved at least ten fold since moving into my place about a year ago. Living on my own makes me feel good. I need that space and that feeling that I’m not mooching financially off my parents anymore.

My father is a bit older than my mom. He had me when he was in his early 40s. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for a man in his sixties to have a baby (see aging rock stars). Despite his age, my dad looks very young. He seriously has no wrinkles! I told him this twice last week during Thanksgiving. It’s amazing really how a man pushing 70 can still have a full head of hair and no wrinkles without plastic surgery. He said he gets it from his dad, who nearly lived to be 100. The only thing we worry about for him is his weight. A few years ago, he suddenly gained a lot of weight within the span of one year . It scared the living daylights out of my mom and it has since been her mission to get my dad to shed the pounds. Although he is in good health, carrying all that extra weight isn’t good (no matter what age you are). So a common scenario is to see my skinny mom trying everything to help him lose weight, when she’s the only one who ends up dieting.

Their open secret for being together as long as they have is space, lots and lots of space. My mom has her space and dad’s got his. They often spend a couple days of the week apart, then reunite on weekends. I grew up seeing this when my dad was often out of town. I can’t stand the thought of being with someone 24/7. I go crazy if I don’t have alone time.

Since graduating college and beginning my career, my relationship with the parents has changed for the better. Perhaps it’s because they see me as an official adult now. Whenever I visit them now I get the royal treatment. This means fantastic dinners at home and at nice restaurants, booze (my dad’s always shoving wine at me) and a room for me to crash in and a car to borrow – sprinkled with pocket change for going out or something. My mom has turned into a bit of a personal assistant as she’s using her naturally organized nature to book the cheapest airfares for me whenever I visit and help me with certain logistical things.

After college, I lived with my parents for three years. They wanted me to save up money to buy my first place (my current home), so they invited me to stay. The career path I choose doesn’t pay much (even the big bosses don’t make a whole lot). Whatever I made, I saved while living with them. A year later, I had enough of a down payment to get my first place. Since my place was in a different state from where I worked, it stayed vacant until about a year ago when I moved here. I couldn’t afford anything in the city I was working in at that time. After a merger, I lost my job and decided to move out here and live in my home.

I really love my home. It’s small, like 550 square feet, but it’s in a wonderful location that’s safe and very desirable. Most importantly though, it’s a place to call my own. Eventhough I can barely afford my bills, they get paid no matter what. And I’ve found creative ways to save money, like getting my hair cut by students at a nearby beauty academy instead of at a salon. I get more compliments than ever on the haircuts I get there, yet the price is like pocket change its so cheap! The great thing is that if I ever get a career opportunity in another city, I could easily lock up my place and leave it vacant like I did before. Or rent it out.

Ok, back to my parents. They are always saying how they brag about me to their friends and how I’m so accomplished, etc. It’s kind of strange, but flattering. To think that not too long ago they couldn’t stand me. I guess a lot of their friends’ kids have struggled with finding work, drugs, etc. I’ve mainly struggled with the superficial stuff and lack of relations with guys. I’m pretty sure they know that I’ve never had a boyfriend and don’t want to talk about it. It’s too painful for me and they know it’s one place they can’t go with me conversationally. They know I’m not gay. I’m sure they wonder how it’s so easy for their friends’ 20-something kids to have relationships and get married when I rarely even discuss guys with them. In my own little way of discussing this, I often ask my mom if “I’m messed up (too crazy /weird/bad personality for anyone to like me)” or “gross (too ugly for anyone to like me)” And she would go on and think I’m crazy for even thinking such a thing.

In the bigger picture, my problems are minor. I am healthy and can support myself (barely). I’m thriving at my current job. Although it got off to a rocky start, I’m feeling more confident and mastering whatever I am learning. I’m very fortunate to have a job given our current economic crisis. I know that if I get laid off, there wouldn’t be any hard feelings. It also helps that I get along with virtually everyone I work with and am friendly with everyone. One of my aunts says that “work is your social life (at least in our family).” Perhaps this is true for me. Then I go home and hang out by myself or see a friend. Not bad. For now, it’s nice. But later, maybe not. I’m too restless.