I Don’t Blame Her
One of my supervisors tends to talk a lot about how she’s sick of being single and how she wants to have more of “a life.” Now she’s talking about it more than ever before.
I don’t blame her.
She’s in her early 40s and often puts in 12+ hour days. As a manager, she constantly has to be on call 24/7. And trust me, people call her in the middle of the night about things at least once a week.
Being single bothers her and she talks about it now on a daily basis. She said today that she has spent too much of her life being “picky.” What she meant by that, I’m not exactly sure. Most people mean that in the context of physical appearance and maybe that is what she meant.
She deserves to find someone who will treat her with respect.
When I look at her I wonder if that is going to be me in 15 years or so. It’s not a bad thing, as she’s very well regarded and well connected in our line of work. In the end though, I really don’t want to devote so much time to something that doesn’t feel rewarding. We are in an industry that has high burnout and high layoffs (although that seems to be everywhere now) and low pay without any chance of a raise (the part I dislike the most). I don’t mind working hard, but I want feel rewarded…whether it’s more money or just feeling good about whatever it is that I do. Confident perhaps.
I keep finding that confidence seems to be the key to everything. Like if you’re confident, you can do anything or be anything you want. It seems like the key to happiness or fulfillment or success -however you define it.
I’ve already decided that I’m changing careers when I hit the big 3-0 because I’ll still be young enough to make such a change. What I’m going to do is the challenge. I need to figure that out…and I still have time to do that.
Anyways, I have a lot of respect for this supervisor and we get on well. She’s very open and chatty – to the point where she’s a bit of a gossip – a huge gossip. She’s got dirt on everyone. So you really have to be careful what you say to her, but she’s really good at getting the info out of you. Tricky. I’m sure she talks about me when I’m out of the room, but I’m not worried. I go in everyday and do the best I can, I help her from home sometimes, never give her attitude, listen well, take criticism well and haven’t shagged anybody from the office. If anything, she probably has told people that I come from a rich family and that my parents may still help financially support me (which they don’t..but I do have ‘expensive taste’).
It’s now come to the point where she’s so tired of being single that she’s talking about it all the time to just about anyone, whether it’s other people in our office or her contacts/friends outside the office.
It’s like she’s hinting for people to fix her up. I even think she asked the HR lady today (one of her many gossip contacts) to introduce her to someone, but I could be wrong.
I don’t blame her.
She once told me that she found it great how I don’t need to always have a guy on my arm to be happy. She then added how she’s the same way. But inside we both have that feeling that it’s hard trying to keep yourself going….and unlike her, I haven’t hit the point where I’m ready to openly admit it. I despise the word ‘lonely’ and don’t want to call it that.
I know I’m going to have to change somehow if I want to find a decent guy someday. I just haven’t hit that point yet. My supervisor has hit that point where she wants to find someone and today she pretty much announced that she’s going to be less ‘picky.,” which can be a great start.
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And given the events of this week, I just HAD to throw in “Man in the Mirror”
A Very Funny, But Informative Video
Starring a young Mr. Rogers and a young Dorthy Zbornak…
Birthdays!
So I have a birthday coming up. Chances are I will be spending it by going to work and then going home to eat a pizza. Or perhaps treat myself out to a casual Mexican dinner somewhere. In my world, there’s nothing better than a delicious pizza washed down with a half bottle of red wine. Phone calls from my parents, aunts and friends will pepper that day. I love hearing from them. Usually, my parents will bake me my favorite type of cake or take me out to a nice dinner. But we live in different states now. A few years ago I was out of college and still living with them, depressed and feeling like I wasn’t going anywhere. I hate that feeling more than anything. I’m one of those people that needs to feel like she’s going somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it feels right. We got along great, but I was very unhappy. I felt like such a loser even though I had a great job then. Now I own a small home in a nice location. The area has a bit of a ritzy reputation and I can barely afford it, but my parents told me that it was a good investment and is worth having as opposed to renting.
In a perfect world I would have a hot/smart/nice boyfriend (around my age) to take me out to dinner. It doesn’t even need to be fancy place either, there’s lots of great cheap eats around. But I’m not going to throw a pity birthday party over this as tempting as it is. Instead, I am going to make some baked goods and share them with my awesome coworkers on my birthday. Most people try to slough off a birthday as no big deal, like it shouldn’t exist. I’ve always kind of been the opposite. Maybe when I’m older birthdays will be no biggie, but they still are a little special to me. It’s also a hint to my coworkers to be extra nice to me on that day. A friend and her husband will take me out to dinner and a movie that next weekend. I am more than happy for that. They are great friends.
Today I splurged on a pair of shoes at Nordstrom and caught a movie even though I couldn’t afford it. I can’t afford anything and can barely pay my bills.
**Cue Suze Orman yelling (I swear I hear her voice in my head everytime I purchase something)**
But I have a job and that’s something. I’m not screwed (yet). I was fortunate to get something on my car repaired today for free. My car is getting old and little things are beginning to break. Minor things luckily. My current career path does not pay well. I’m lucky to be salaried with health benefits, but my paychecks aren’t cutting it. Once the bills are paid, there’s hardly anything left for food or gas – and that’s where Mr. AmEx comes in. It sucks, but I know I’m doing better than most people. It would really suck if I had recurring health issues. But I’m healthy (YAY).
I made a promise to myself that if this career path doesn’t pan out for me by my 30th birthday, then I will change paths. Luckily, I still have a few years before this happens. I have some transferable skills and can always go back to school. Losing my virginity to a decent guy by 30 would be a nice goal, but I’d rather focus on my career/financial front. It’s one thing to make losing your virginity a goal by the end of high school or college, but it just seems dumb now to make it a goal by the time you hit 30. Being an older virgin isn’t as rare as I thought it would be as so many of you similar to me have stopped by and commented. There’s also the 105 year-old virgin, (possibly) Susan Boyle and (maybe) Kelly Clarkson. Let’s not forget nuns of centuries past who went from home to convent straight away.
Ah, but there’s still that stigma. Sex is part of being human, right? In an upcoming post I will discuss how I’ve managed to shock a gynecologist or two because of my virgin status. You’d think they’ve seen it all…
